System online.... Loading.....

I've managed to reload my captains log... Sad to say nothing's really changed in my life.... Depressed, crashed the ship a second time and rebuilt it..... I'm still in so much pain over relationships... Still feel like a monster. Nonot is for once at a loss for words... I don't know I'm just sitting here in my ship wonder what to do...

Flight

Letting Petra fly tonight... Still not sure what's going to become of us in the future, Praying for something amazing

Pft

So why did I chase after Petra to only be hurt again. It's not as bad as Kat but still it hurts. Hopefully someone will find me before its to late and I can live a happy life... 

Dense

Not sure why but I decided to girl sector 5 to a night club..... Yea no clue everyone's on shore leave. 

Stormy night

Laying in my hammock in my make shift captains room in the Astroliner. 

I like hearing the rain on the hull, very relaxing. Makes me think, as strong as I am maybe just maybe I'm meant to help someone? 

Not to mention a phone call from 16 light years away gives me the motivation to get up again.... Time to ride at high sun. 

Earth

I've been staying with friends on earth for awhile now. I haven't been in range of my captains log in awhile. I was staying on Valorine for awhile. 

Still can't figure out why I'm alive after what happens two years ago.... 

Tired of meeting people and always getting hurt. 

I think the Astroliner feels the same way after I crashed it.. I don't know, no missions this week I just wish shit would change. Tired of being single and alone.

Be awhile

Just opened my blog up.. Looking at what I've been through and looking at this diary I don't understand why I'm still here. I guess I like being abused by people. Between Kat, Petra and all the others. 

Think this is going to lead up to climax of my being.  I guess my only goal left in life, is to help as many people and save as many people, there are no more enemies, so this time I will clean it good, oil it well practice with it every weekend at the range and uses its power to end my own, this time it won't jam, and no one can stop me. Colleen won't be there to tackle me and mittens won't be there to take it away from me. 

The next 6month are going to be a wild ride. 

Chang.