And I'm back in Sol system

Just spent 6 months on vandal with Miker and friends

Moral fiber

Ships been docked for repairs. Hanging out at the good court. Hate watching all the couples.. Wish that was me :/ just want to be happy. A week ago I stopped pirates from raiding a station. Saved hundreds of people, still don't feel good about myself..

Depression

So I don't know how to put this. I know I have everything, Star Ship, Friends, Good Crew, Good Parents. yet I feel so alone that it hurts every time I walk into my apartment on the space station. it hurts so bad that you can't even explain it to your best friends. when you do its like your talking a different language. There was once this comedian who committed suicde because he felt so alone that he just throught it was best to just end it. I feel his pain, i really do and I don't care if anyone judges me the only way everyone will feel how i feel is if I end it to make them morn. Then they can truly understand how I feel. I lost the love of my life over a year ago and ever since then I'm just not me. I know she was a herione addict. I don't care about that I care about her and who she was. not what she be came of other ass holes. I miss my baby so much, I miss the dinner the skys we starred at. I wish she would come back. I just want to hold her one more time and tell her how much I care for her. I just want that warm feeling we gave each other. Why do I deserve to feel like this? Why couldn't I save her from those Ass holes Rozlyn and Richard? I fought so hard to save her and in the end I still couldn't

I miss her so much,  I miss her so bad. I hurts so bad, I want my fiancé back. I why can't i just be happy, I just want things to be my way just for once. all I ask is for my baby, I just want to hold the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss her so much. i'm tired of being the good guy, tried of being good. Kat if you can read this, hear me in my sleep or my daily life. I love you, I miss you, where ever you are now I hope your okay and will wait for me. I may see you sooner than you think. I love you so much. I don't care about the heroine, I don't care about the fight we had, I don't care what happened. I just want to be by your side again one more time please wait for me. I love you so much. No one under stands how I feel. No one know my pain, we should of been married now with possible a kid. could of followed mittens and jeffery...... I miss you so much. I miss you with all my heart.

I hope we meet again babe, I miss you so much.

Ps. Nonot can make really awesome pita bread now. He actually made extra and forgot that you wouldn't be with us the other night.

Being captain

Another long and stressful day today. Sometimes I wonder why put up with this shit. So tired of being stressed over stress over stress. And I wish the flashbacks of stop too. And not to mention that my heart and mind are going to different ways my heart wants the girl but my mind wants something else. I'm tired of trying to be two people I just want to be one person and that's a captain. 

Sad to say I still think of her, even though she's gone. I could really use her touch and Grace. Her gentle kindness and her warm heart. And that perfume that can destroy the world. I miss her smile so much. Tired of being in pain all the time. I wish someone would help me stop suffering. Lately I have been asking myself what am I truly living for. Or what was I living for.

I miss my baby, with all my heart 

Being captain

Just got back to my apartment from exersizing. I couldn't help stand on the bridge that connects the station midsection. It was just me and nobody else. The earth looked amazing tonight. Yep just me and my MP3 player, just taking it all in. 

I know I keep hoping but hope something is changing for me soon. 

Being captain

I know this job requires me to be alone and to even think someone would ever want to put up with the feeling that I may never come back from the job stinks. I love what I do and I love protecting people. I'm no superhero, I don't have super powers but I'll give it my all to help someone...

On a lighter note I asked Petra out, she said yes but I think we where so tired at the time it didn't register. I'm fine with that. Both of us have been busting iur butts. Plus she's having personal issue, so I can relate. Not suppose to date someone in the same rank or branch but I don't care. 

Currently in the Isacc system next week we retune to Arcadia system haven't ran out there in a long time , that was back when I was with my old cre, my best friends... I miss everyone. But none the less new crew, new me, stronger version of me.

I see myself this way now, good or bad I'm unsure.

Captains

Well it's been awhile I lost my compad in the ship.... Actually I think Nonot was hiding it. 

We're still running hard. Missions are coming out of the wood works. So it's been good, still weird with the new crew sometimes but we're mending slowly. 

Oh on another note: Captain Petra from

The Trizona and I have been hanging out. A few weeks back we worked together on a mission. I assisted and we just decided hey lets grab some friend and go bowling. Fun times, nice to get out, Mittens and Colleen would be proud.

Good news from the  front. My uncle might actually be retiring.  It's almost

Time for the Astroliner to be docked for it's annual repair and over haul. Going to score a date with Petra (she's a little hardcore, might get punched in the face) and then find a part time job or something. Last down season was boring.