Showing posts with label depressed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depressed. Show all posts
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Sector 5
At the bar with friends in sector 5, play n pool! Wish I wasn't alone in this :( at least I'm with friends I can trust, while my crew is away.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Orbiting Saturn
Orbiting Saturn.... Yawn...... No signs of the Lab Rat Mafia so far. Colleens down on Titan with her team. All goes well, Casey and Mark are playing are with NONOT and I got first watch up on the bridge. It's a little lonely, wish I had someone to share this view with. Jupiter looks better in my opinion.
Gods I feel so empty and alone up here..... I look into my mineral water bottle wonder what it would be like to have someone to care about.
Gods I feel so empty and alone up here..... I look into my mineral water bottle wonder what it would be like to have someone to care about.
Dark matter
How do you control something you don't know how to control? We've been flying missions for the past several months. The current mission "hallows" had been a challenge, not matter how much I fight to hid my feelings it tears me apart, the crew has begun to notice a change in me and the way I act. I want to be a better person all around but I feel so damanged. The last accident I had wasnt her fault it was mine. How come I can pull the trigger to kill and enemy but I can't when I feel something's write?
Funny just the other day a family came up to me in the food court they sat with me as I ate and the said we where on the Golden Wing freight liner. You saved our lives, can we do any thing for any thing at all? I looked at them and said just be happy for your selves and live every moment with each other. Then I told them don't be like me. I do everything I can to save life but i can't save myself from myself. I always hurt my self by not making the right decisions and this time it hurts more than any thing and I don't know what to do. We fly again at 19:00 hrs and I'll be suited I'll be ready but my heart will never be right. Honestly I told Mark I hope I get shot down today, and I say it every day but I seem to still survive it everyday. If the Astroliner was a person I think it would feel the same way. We both feel empty and beaten inside. It's been running for of 35 years I've been running for 29 years some times I wonder if I need to take a break. But if I did I would just spend it alone so what's the point no one like to do what I do. And with my luck I'd get called to action.
I just feel lost.....
Funny just the other day a family came up to me in the food court they sat with me as I ate and the said we where on the Golden Wing freight liner. You saved our lives, can we do any thing for any thing at all? I looked at them and said just be happy for your selves and live every moment with each other. Then I told them don't be like me. I do everything I can to save life but i can't save myself from myself. I always hurt my self by not making the right decisions and this time it hurts more than any thing and I don't know what to do. We fly again at 19:00 hrs and I'll be suited I'll be ready but my heart will never be right. Honestly I told Mark I hope I get shot down today, and I say it every day but I seem to still survive it everyday. If the Astroliner was a person I think it would feel the same way. We both feel empty and beaten inside. It's been running for of 35 years I've been running for 29 years some times I wonder if I need to take a break. But if I did I would just spend it alone so what's the point no one like to do what I do. And with my luck I'd get called to action.
I just feel lost.....
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