Blahs

Don't know what's worse being alone or being alone and having no one to vent to .... I'm sitting in the corner of my apartment balling my eyes out because I can't get that one girl out of my head because I loved her so much and that night is still burned into my brain. Everyone's like move on... How can I move on when a part of me died back there..

Ohh the pain

Mittens just kicked me in the ballzz :(..... Ok ok feeling better going to have a juicy now ready to get back on the horse

Lullaby

Tired of being alone, really might end all of this tonight. Full speed crash it into an asteroid 

-.-

Freezing, cold, lonely..... -.- it was weird I just opened my photos on my phone and  her photos opened out of nowhere :( I still love her and it make it worse I love her even thought she doesn't want to be with me shed rather be with someone who treats her like crap and doesn't have a future. Neither of them do.... The sadnes is so bad. At least Mittens and Colleen are talking to me again.

11-13-13

Today was the day Kat was going to be released from rehab..... -.- it's going to be a long day 

alight

I don't know how to say this but I think is a change in the wind coming. I think a new hope is been given. Whatever it is this time I'm not going to miss it. I will strive to do better. I have a plan now and I'm not giving up. The past is in the past it's time to MoveOn. It's game time, I've lost so many people in this past few months it's ridiculous but I'm not giving up I'll make me friends on the way. 

Gut punch

I don't understand, if someone was givin the chance to change there ways. Why would they go back to the past

I'm not tired I'm not wake.

Up bright and early, :/ I don't know what to type... Nonot says to look at the brighter side of things. What ever that is. I just feel alone, I hate coming home, home to nothing. The last few nights I've slept in the Astroliner. Home just doesn't feel right. 

Chicken and cheese

Tired, big day tomorrow. Wish I had someone to miss... :/ I miss her and even everything she put me thru... I hate feeling lonely especially during times like this :(

Out of place

Just attended a funeral in Olympus for a old family friend. I feel so out of place, everyone Is all money and I'm how do I put this poor or let's say not super rich like these people. Everyone looks at me

Different, I ran into an old aquantice. It's amazing how money can change a person. With the astroliner I have money I'm happy. But I still feel lonely as all hell. I hate Mars sometimes, people are snobby and rich. :/ 

and it hits

I'm writing this, I've been hit with a major depression or something I don't even know how to explain how I feel right now.... I took a nap and was feeling ok. but then I woke up and feel like crap. I was going to go bowling but no one wants to do any thing. sucks being the only single person on the space station... just feel heavy like nothing matters, its so lonely in this damn apartment. I keep watching earth through the window and nothing happens.
to much loss and grieving and the only person who I see as  a person that I can talk to is Nonot but he doesn't under stand human emotion, he tries but he's robot. suck everyone can rant to you... who can you rant to when you have nothing or no one. I just feel hopeless in every angle. here i'm suppose to be a beacon of light and hope for others and I feel like shit.
not even music is cheering me up, usually throw on some owl city but it just brings back bad memories. its all bad memories, I don't want these memories I want my own happy memories. just so done being hurt by every relationship. tired of not having someone's had to hold. to depressed to eat, to depressed to go even see my space ship. I feel like as if I have neglected it too. not even spending money is helping me fell happy, I bought a digital copy of Ai Yori Aoshi $50 credits later. great show but just like everything else in my life is a stupid fantasy that will never really happen. I'm really starting to think about leaving the Sol system.... think I might head west some where no one knows who I am and I can just restart and reboot every aspect of my life and just maybe be happy. I'll lose everything here, not like I have much. Space Ship, Job, Family, Nonot, Car, apartment, I'd only take two suit cases. 'm just gonna drift away somewhere so I can't be bothered and I won't bother anyone else. I've learned why i'm helpful to everyone, its because of my grand father. I wish I could ask him how did you keep going not being selfish.. I can't do it anymore. I can't take the pains it comes with, I don't want to try and meet anyone I don't want to do anything I just want to disappear and i'm sure everyone wouldn't notice for a few days either. here's me being selfish, if they gave to shit's they would be there for me as I was for all of them. now that everyone is safe and have what they need I have nothing that I need or want I will move on to hell with everyone else.


captain Chang,