Day 60

Having a hard time, been eating real food, chicken, soups, mc Donald's. It's hard when your the only one on the ship. I used to think it was hard when I had an entire crew. 

Nonot try's to push me I think he sees it too. The loneliness of humans I guess what ever u want to call it. 

I need to get back on the ball tomorrow, straght juicing and smoothies, no real solids or meats.

I will work out tonight need to keep lifting and doing bio energetically and trama releases. Need to get my brain more

Focused.

And I might ask the barista out at Coffee Mug, I don't know, just looking for someone different that doesn't work in space, or medical. 

Right now I'm at little.ceasers to kill my diet and reboot tomorrow. God the pies smell good. 

Day 55 3-25-14 updated

On break at work, minds just running a mile a minute. Need to check my weight tonight also lunch I've only had juice and apple chips home made tabouli and hummus. 

Met Angel Yesterday, still strange but she had some work for me so it's cool.

Loving my new space fighter. Fits perfectly in the Astroliner.

-.- still lonely, think I'm gonna spend some time in the Siri System to find my true love... I hope

Day 50

Day 50 and feeling great, really need to fall asleep

New fighter

Getting my new ride, my old vipers falling apart and it's getting more expense to purchase parts so I went with the x-1 rapier.

Day 40 let it go.

I thought the past was suppose to stay in the past. Why do these feelings keep coming back. its like a door that was shut has been reopened and i'm waiting to see whats going to come through it. will it have evil intentions, or will it be apart of a future that i finally deserve?

Today is day 40 of my quest to become the strongest version of myself and I will say i truly feel better, but my heart hurts thinking of the past. the only thing I have left is my future. what ever that maybe i pray it brings me not what i deserve, but what i've earned and I as i alway say I just want to be happy.

I'm going to continue this adventure ill I die or end up happy, if my past wants to come back thats fine I can live with it even though everyone will hate me. I don't have nothing to lose, its just me.

Captain Chang

Sad

Not feeling like myself, wish I had someone to laught with. Am I really happy where I am? 

On a brighter note I've been helping others become the strongest versions of them selves. I now have 6 people following my diet plan and ideas. 

I'm no expert, but I've seen it work, so I know it works 

day 38

it will be day 38 tomorrow, i can't beat this feeling of my past. i'm not chaining my current course but to get a message from the dead only kills me further. I've been dead before and revived. I have no one to turn to ask for help or advice. all my friends have moved on and i'm all alone in my ship.. Nonot has even left for the Moon for a little bit to be with Casey and Mark.....

I feel so empty inside that even if i were to try and cut my self with a knife nothing would come out. this ship is my tomb. this ship is my curse, and I still love her and I will always miss the girl that I thought was the one. before the mass murder leader of the LRM took her from me. I swore to  make them all pay, I destroyed their ship but here I am lost forever in my ship.

For the past month i've bettered myself, I'm trying to become the strongest version of my self and to show others that anything is possible. but how do i beat the past? should i answer it with a hello or should I just leave it where I left it that night. On the floor of a crappy hotel surrounded by drugs and needles? or held by her hair by my enemy threatening me with a choice the Earth or Her. I made the choice to fire first that night, everyone was saved but I pays the ultimate price of losing the one thing I can never live with out. That pain will never go away its a lingering curse that will always remain like body fat. Its a curse that will never leave me until i die. I wish there was a way to remove this curse but I fear not.

I wish the past would stay where it is but I to see my past again. I want to hold my past again, if it where still in this world. it sucks not being able to feel, i hope everyone that has someone cherishes what they have because when you sacrifice what you have to save everyone else, you die a little every day. Kat I miss you so much it hurts every day like a knife wound. I miss you so much I always wonder what would of happened if I didn't fire the ION Cannon that day? What if i stopped the Marines from coming in trying to rescue you and failing.

Why do I even continue on?

Past

Nothing more painful when u think your past is trying to contact you and your imagining things... I need to get as far away from this place. 

I just want to be happy that's all I ask 

Day 36

Just doing liquids all day, extra cleanse :3 

Day 34

Was at grace hospital yesterday, it was nice to see everyone. Blood pressure is still a hair high, taking new meds that are driving me nuts. Nonots a little worried, I never get angry and this stuff makes me feel like a biological. finally calmed down, i'm still sticking with it. veggy juice, no cheese, no bread 60 plus days to go. I'm not going to give up on that. kinda stinks i was standing at the nurses station and I could feel Kat there. I know I keep going back to the past. Its nice not to have to worry about the lab rat mafia. just me and my ship and the robot. I wish Mark was around need someone to run with. miss Shepard too.

Bacon

I got nothing, I think I deserve a vacation... But I need someone to go with :/ hate being alone, the ship is cold and dark