:/

Sitting on my favorite bridge in the station, just letting mind wander. And of course nonot is searching for me. Holidays are right around the corner and its going to be a lonely year :/ everyone's gone, everyone has moved on and here I am :( maybe I'm really cursed after all. I can help people, save lives, do the right thing, and be the most non selfish person and I still get beaten down. Some times I wonder if the gods are laughing at me. I don't want to be like other people who care only for them selves, that's no me I want to be me. Who ever I am...

Rough road ahead

This month has been a rough all around, I've lost lots of people. Today we is the viewing if my grand ps, I still can't cry or feel bad. I've been stuck in purgatory for weeks and I hate it. Nonot say it will pass but sure doesn't feel like it. I expect something to go wrong today, my life's always full of some excitement. Wish things would of just gone my way :/ had the girl, had the ship, most important had my friends. I still have nonot I hope I don't make him mad, his a good friend I know he's a robot but I think he has a heart. He's very human to me.

-:)

Me and Nonot are watching Ultraman. He's like omg that's cool!! Good times, then he slipped "wish Kat was here." I know he doesn't understand fully poor guy atheist he's learning :)

wheres my wallet??

Well the last comic show of the year for me went great. Had an amazing time with everyone met some really cool people and was even inspired by some too. The last few weeks have been rough and this week i'll be challenged with a new issue, with the passing of someone really close. I will give my strength to who needs it this week. I just wish I had someone to give me just alittle of theres because in the end i'm going to fall apart again. my goal is to not fall apart like I did with what happened with Kat. I've lost so many people this month its not even funny, especially when its your close friends. to much death, I guess I know how doctors really feel... I think I don't know i'm rambleing again...... whateves as colleen would say just roll with it captain... this week better watch out because here I come.

Blah

Today just sucks all around.... :/ someone just turn the oxygen off in the station please 

Oh stupid robot

So since the past events, drug addicted girl friend now ex, crew abandoned me due to my destructive personality. Only nonot stayed.... And then he thought he was helping me by signing me up on a dating site.... Got help me -.- I miss my ex just not the drugs.... Wish I still had that time machine fuck 

Friday night

Most people would put... Oh yes great time tonight, woo plastered... Not me... I've lost my best friend Mittens, last conversation ended I'm tire of you crying about your ex, Kat is gone ok she's an addict. Colleen: I can't stand here and help U with your problems, figure it out we are always bailing u out. Mark and Casey, your not u anymore what happened u let her ruin your life and star ship? Lynsye and missy: Ichia, we can't tolerate u, to much drama, I know we've been friends for ever but it's to much....

I'm all alone, it's just me and nonot. He try's to understand emotions but he's a robot. Here we sit in my ship. My crew has left me because of my obsession with the girl I thought who loved me. And she destroyed me in turn I destroy the relationships I had with all my friends. I walk alone here :( I don't know what to do or be anymore. I'm in so much pain I just want it to all stop. I just want to disappear, I have no one to miss me, might as well 

Hurt

In more pain that I've ever been in. And it's not a broke bone, knife injury or being shot. My heart hurts so baby it's unbelievable. Just wonder why this always happens to me, why do i always end up like this just miserable? 

I thought Kat was the one, then her past came out like a super volcano just bam, and she just couldn't give up the drug and the ex. There both like a wolf in sheeps clothing... :( I was so excited he wanted to be together and we where planning so much then this... I really wish I my apartment would lose all oxygen while I'm sleeping tonight.

I'm just not meant to be happy 

Sucks

My life sucks.. Just putting that out there.  

Longest 42 hrs of my life...

Well I'm just gonna spill the beans.. Everything's not alright, no it's not alright :(

Kat got kicked out of rehab, apparently she called me but I didn't answer my phone, on Saturday I got a call from her said he's laying low in the station somewhere, and she wanted me to pick her items up from Neptune Station. Any ways, she's been out for three days, and I end up finding her with her parents and they have her some money. Then I go to take her home and she jumps ship and disappears...

I go on a hunting spree, said to say everyone's pissed off at my because I give two shits about a girl who's addicted to heroine. Mittens won't talk to me, Collens fed up with it. So I track her down to a cheap ass motel on the station near sector 6. I knock on the door and she's high as hell. Bruised and beat. Look someone took a baseball bat to her. She wants me to leave and she's freaking out that her dope mans coming back. After a long argument I left and went home. Only to get a call from her saying did u call the cops? I'm like know I came home and it got blown up from there -.-

Basically she can't get over her ex. And I guess all the times we spent together where meaningless and well the photos she like so much too he didn't like. So I've been replaced by the ex who's the drug dealer.... I texted her told her I was glad to meet her and god speed... And I cried all night because how can someone abuse someone like that. You can tell he was punching her and either dragging her by the legs or worst... It's sad this is what humans want to go through. I don't care about the drug if she wanted it that bad well that's fine I'd rather have her safe that take that.. I really wish Mittens didn't destroy that time machine we found or I would of made some changes for the better. So now here I sit alone :( very alone, and sad in the fact for once I could give a family back there daughter.... She'll always be in my heart, when its her time I hope it's painless for her.

Ugh

Rough day at work today, tomorrow probably just as bad... Oh i miss my baby :( I think on Monday well goto the moon go check out the lunar mall and Armstrong village for fun. Gods I miss her so much.

All messed up

Title says it all, just out of wac, it's like I can't function with out her. I miss her and love her so much I'm just falling apart or something I dunno, Monday needs to get here quicker

:3

Yesterday was great, good relaxing day with my baby. We had a chill day, some yum yum pizza and two good movies :3 can't beat that. Next week I'm gonna take her to the air and space museum can wait I'm like stoked about it. Told her to wear good shoes lol.

Can't wait for her to be free it's just over a month away soo ill be saving up and making some good plans. Well beat the odds together. 

 She brings the best out of me I love her so much. 

-.-'

I miss my baby -.- cant wait to see her, hold her, kiss her, protect her (^.^)

Last day

The last few years have been wide, great friends, The Astroliner, my girlfriend, beating an enemy that's harmed millions. Now it's time to rest I hope. I'm to decommission the Astroliner according to the military. :/ feel like my kids being take. Away from me... Everyone says its for the best... I don't know how can I at least keep it and sit in it... Think I might cry, I don't know I love this ship and I don't want to command any other.. It's sad because its advanced as hell but the hull has taken a major beating. The support structure is ok between Casey and Mittens they have really beefed it up. But eventually she's gonna break :( wouldn't mind a total rebuild but I'm not super rich. well I'm gonna sit here on the ION cannon and chill :/ I miss my baby and I'm sad for my ship. Sigh I hope it gets easier -.-'

-.- turrrred

Tired very tired.... Miss my baby hope she's ok up there. Can't wait till Monday just have to make it thru this week. Big mission this weekend. I want to hold her so bad. I've been having that feeling someone wants to take her away from me.. I'm gonna rip em apart if any one tries... I love her so much

Spent the day at the zoo, figure Mars zoo would be fun. Poor thing she's been held down I want to help her be free so bad. I just feel some thing or someone from my past is going to come and try to kill us both, i won't let it happen I won't lose any one I love ever again.